10 4 / 2014
18 3 / 2014
Please learn how to read submission guidelines. Because this is what happens when you don’t:
(Except imagine that everything is going into my recycle bin. I’m green like that.)
19 2 / 2014
When I’m trying to be nice about someone’s favorite book when I think it’s the dumbest book of all time
18 2 / 2014
And she’s abso-fucking-lutely adorable on the phone:
15 2 / 2014
Of all days, I roll my car into someone on Valentine’s Day. I felt like such an asshole. It’s okay, though — everyone’s fine. I’m okay, and the other guy’s okay. Or at least that’s what he told me. I was stuck in bumper-to-bumper Friday afternoon traffic for almost an hour (with an hour drive left to go) and somehow blinked/dozed off for like, two seconds too long. By the time I tried to brake, I already hit him. I’m usually a really safe driver, so I was super disappointed in myself.
At the time, I was just thinking to myself that it was time to exit the freeway and grab some coffee. Literally bumped into the guy a minute later. I wasn’t going too fast since my foot was on the brake the entire time I was in traffic… but still, I fucked up his bumper because I have an SUV and he had this old Toyota.
I already called my insurance and admitted fault, so now it’s just going through the process of fixing my car. So sad. I just bought my car brand new a few months ago.
On the bright side, my fiancé gave me Valentine’s Day/”Cheer up, accidents happen” flowers after he got home from work. What a doll.
13 2 / 2014
THAT’S NOT SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT.
13 2 / 2014
Me to my boss when she asks me if I’ve heard anything yet: